St. Paul, MN – September 2024
A massive Gmail server crash that left the entire St. Paul School District offline for hours on Tuesday has been traced back to one culprit: the “Reply All” teacher. Linda Hooper, a 3rd-grade educator at St. Paul Elementary, is known for her relentless urge to hit “Reply All” on every email, regardless of whether her input is needed, relevant, or even intelligible.
The incident began with an innocent enough email sent out by the district’s IT department reminding staff to update their passwords. What followed was nothing short of digital chaos.
“I can confirm that I received the email,” Hooper wrote, in her typical fashion, copying the entire district — all 3,750 teachers and administrators. Then, as if propelled by some unseen force, she did it again. And again. And again. The email chain spiraled as more teachers followed suit, replying to her replies to confirm they, too, had received the email.
By the time a frantic IT staffer noticed what was happening, the district’s Gmail server was already experiencing severe overload. At its peak, Hooper’s reply loop had generated over 56,000 emails in just under 90 minutes. Teachers across the district reported receiving so many notifications that their phones froze, their laptops groaned under the weight of sheer digital absurdity, and one reportedly threw their Chromebook out a window in a panic.
“We thought it was a coordinated cyber-attack,” said district IT director, Steven McGrath. “Turns out, it was Linda.”
Hooper, who has been teaching for 27 years and is legendary for her zealous email habits, was unfazed by the incident. “I always reply all,” Hooper explained proudly, clutching her favorite “World’s Best Emailer” mug. “It’s just good communication. You don’t want anyone to think you’re ignoring them.”
According to several coworkers, Hooper’s replies are usually limited to affirmations such as “Got it!” and “Thanks for sharing,” often with unnecessary emojis sprinkled in for good measure.
“I’ve tried to tell her that we don’t all need to know when she’s received the lunch menu or the notice about the upcoming fire drill,” said fellow teacher Rachel Benson. “But she just smiles and says, ‘Better safe than sorry.’”
The damage caused by Hooper’s habitual over-communication resulted in a total shutdown of the school district’s email services, forcing the IT team to work through the night to restore the system. A spokesperson for Google, which oversees the Gmail platform, expressed bewilderment.”We’ve never seen anything like it,” said a Google representative. “Our systems are designed to handle enormous volumes of emails, but we didn’t account for…well, Linda.”
In an emergency meeting held Wednesday morning, district officials discussed possible remedies to prevent another catastrophe, including implementing a district-wide email training and possibly blocking Hooper from sending any more mass replies. A motion to permanently hide the “Reply All” button from her Gmail interface is also being considered.
In the meantime, teachers are taking drastic measures to avoid the chaos from repeating itself.
“From now on, I’m sticking to Post-it notes,” said 2nd-grade teacher Amanda Keller. “It’s safer that way.”
As for Hooper? She remains unapologetic. “I’m just trying to do my part to keep everyone informed,” she said, adding, “Did you get my last email about the potluck?”
Sources say they did.
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