Costa Mesa, CA — In what can only be described as a back-to-school shopping spree with a twist, the wine aisles at the Costa Mesa Target have been left as barren as a dry Cabernet. Thanks to a generous 20% discount on “necessary back-to-school supplies” offered exclusively to teachers, local educators have decided that wine is, indeed, a classroom essential.
“I came in for some markers and maybe a few packs of paper, but when I saw that merlot was practically half-off with the discount, I knew it was time to stock up,” said Mrs. Pamela Riesling, a fifth-grade teacher at Costa Mesa Elementary. “The way these kids have been since summer break, I’m going to need all the liquid patience I can get.”
Pamela wasn’t alone. Educators across the district could be seen wheeling carts loaded with Pinot Grigio, Chardonnay, and the occasional box of Franzia—perfect for grading those endless stacks of math homework. By mid-morning, the wine aisle was picked cleaner than a plate of charcuterie at a PTA meeting.
“We were prepared for the usual rush on notebooks and Crayola, but we never expected the wine section to be the real battleground,” said Target manager Vino Blanc. “It was like Black Friday, but with more corkscrews.”
The teachers’ union, sensing a prime opportunity, has reportedly negotiated with Target to include a new line of school supplies: “Wine Not?”—a collection of cleverly named beverages like “Syrahvival Kit” and “Report Card Rosé.”
Parents, on the other hand, are split like a fine red blend on whether to be concerned or impressed. “On one hand, it’s a bit alarming to see Mrs. Chardonnay with a cart full of Shiraz,” said local parent, Merle Zinfandel. “But honestly, after homeschooling last year, I can’t say I blame them.”
In an official statement, the Costa Mesa School District assured parents that the teachers’ newfound love of Target’s wine selection will not interfere with their professional responsibilities, but rather enhance them. “Our teachers are dedicated professionals who know how to balance their workload with a well-deserved glass of Sauvignon Blanc,” the statement read. “We believe this will only improve classroom creativity and patience.”
Meanwhile, Target has announced plans to restock its wine aisles by the end of the week, though they may introduce a two-bottle limit per teacher to prevent another Chardonnay shortage.
As for the teachers, they’re raising a glass to the new school year—because as every educator knows, sometimes the best way to survive back-to-school season is with a little wine-ing. Cheers to that!
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