Category: Uncategorized

Cupertino, CA—Chaos ensued at Glenbrook Elementary today after a teacher’s laptop spontaneously combusted during an innocent attempt to showcase a PowerPoint presentation. According to multiple sources, the fire was caused by an alarming number of open browser tabs, all competing for the final 2GB of RAM. “I thought it was just lagging,” said 5th-grade teacher…

In today’s hustle culture, one thing remains sacred: the ability to work just hard enough to collect a paycheck without setting off alarm bells in the union office. With the new work year upon us, it’s time to dust off the time-tested strategies that’ll keep you on the right side of the union—and your lounge…

Murfreesboro, TN – In what can only be described as the “most shocking history lesson of all time,” sixth graders at Rutherford Middle School were left slack-jawed when they discovered their 27-year-old teacher, Ms. Jessica Larson, had actually lived in the 1900s. The revelation came during an innocent class discussion about technological advancements, but quickly…

If you tuned into the Donald Trump vs. Kamala Harris debate expecting serious political discourse, you were in for a treat—because it was basically a live-action reenactment of your average third-grade recess showdown. Blame was thrown around like dodgeballs, the “it’s not my fault” defense was in full swing, and ownership? Never heard of it.…

St. Paul, MN – September 2024 A massive Gmail server crash that left the entire St. Paul School District offline for hours on Tuesday has been traced back to one culprit: the “Reply All” teacher. Linda Hooper, a 3rd-grade educator at St. Paul Elementary, is known for her relentless urge to hit “Reply All” on…

Palm Beach, FL — Former President Donald Trump announced today that if his bid for reelection in 2024 does not succeed, he will be setting his sights on what he describes as the second toughest job in America: becoming a middle school principal. “I’ve been through the toughest fights—big, big fights—but let me tell you…

Los Angeles, CA — As the city bakes under the relentless grip of the hottest days of the year, there’s one unsuspecting hero rising to the occasion: Febreze. Yes, the air-freshening spray typically reserved for covering up post-chili-dog regrets has become a must-have item around local middle schools, where sweating preteens are turning classrooms into…

Columbus, OH – Jefferson Elementary second-grade teacher Ms. Kelly Harper has taken an unexpected leave of absence, reportedly due to the increasingly invasive actions of Amanda Gleeson, an overly enthusiastic room parent. Sources say Gleeson, the mother of Harper’s student Sophia, didn’t limit her role to classroom snack duty and field trip coordination. Instead, she became…

Topeka, Kansas – In what local authorities are calling “the most bizarre case of the year,” a Topeka middle school teacher has filed an official police report after their lunch mysteriously vanished from the staff room fridge four times in one week. The teacher, identified as Mrs. Emily Carter, a beloved 7th-grade math teacher at Harrison…

In a groundbreaking study that has shaken the very foundations of the education system, researchers have confirmed that 99.9% of teachers